The questions to ask your loved ones

May 18

Before I lost my mum in September 2021, that Christmas before, I remembered that I had been given a card game called “The Hygge Game”, Cosy conversation in pleasant company.

I had a nudge to include that game when I packed a bag for a couple of days to stay with my mum and dad that Christmas, so I could have a couple of drinks on Christmas day and not have to drive home.

Our usual Christmas was spent with my parents and I, and my aunt and uncle. Sadly, my uncle had passed away 3 years previously and my aunt wasn’t very well that year. It had been the challenging years of COVID and my aunt had decided to have Christmas alone, so it was just myself and my parents.

We had a lovely Christmas that year in 2020. I had really enjoyed lockdown and had really connected with my mum and dad even more than usual because they were my bubble and both aged 77 and 87 respectively, so I wanted to make sure they were looked after and cared for as they were elderly.

So that Christmas, I suggested that we play the game of The Hygge Game after our late lunch on Christmas day. Our family lunches were always late lunches, so lots of wine would have been consumed by then. For the life of me I can’t remember where Dad was, I think he had taken himself off to read the paper, watch TV at the same time and fall asleep and mum and I decided to try this game out.

So just to explain that The Hygge Game consists of around 100 cards with random questions on them. The Rules and concept is all about enjoying a nice and cozy time in good company. The focus means there are no winners and losers in this game.

The goal is simply to make it as hygge as possible and everybody wins. You use the questions on the cards from the game pretty much as you see fit, but from memory as it was only mum and I playing, it was very unstructured. We just picked cards at random and then picked a question to ask each other.

My mum, as I called her, was in fact my step mother, but had brought me up since I was 4 years old.

She was Danish, born in Copenhagen and brought up in Copenhagen and then moved to the UK and lived in Sheen in London. She was born the same year her father died very sadly, so she never got to meet him.

Hygge was a word that I had known for many years since childhood as it was a Scandinavian term - my mum pronounced that word as “hoogly” which we used a lot in our household, as candles were a feature of every single meal, as were a million side lights and no overhead lights allowed in each of the houses we had lived in during my childhood.

Home life was all about being cosy, I remember that as a lovely feature of all of our homes, my mum certainly knew how to make a house really cosy and beautiful at the same time.

As I am writing this tears are flowing as it's such a lovely memory of her being so house proud - she also had a knack of throwing the best parties, cooking delicious food that always looked amazing and being a fantastic hostess and everybody loved her..

My mum and I had a “tricksy” relationship growing up. She was terribly wounded from her upbringing, both never knowing her father and also being extremely spoiled had turned her into a narcissistic woman who didn’t know how to be anything else.

I can only write this now having healed the wounds of my heart, (with HeartHealing, I am one of the first 120 HeartHealing qualified practitioners) over some time in 2023 and was finally able to both accept and forgive the way she had been with me all my life (jealous, mean, difficult, unapproachable, unloving and critical).

Anyway, this blog post has turned out to be a tribute to her actually and a tribute to any loved one that we lose whether your relationship was tricksy or not.

What I found out about my mum that Christmas will stay in my heart forever.

Although I can’t really remember the details (I have a terrible memory), we shared secrets and things about ourselves that we had never taken the time to ask.

And it got me thinking that we really shouldn’t wait until The Hygge Game to either tell our loved ones that we love them, nor should we refrain from asking these kinds of questions now, before we lose the people we love and treasure forever and never get the chance to ask them their deepest thoughts on different things.

And………this is also a reminder to take video of your loved ones now, don’t wait until a week before they pass away as you won’t get the essence of them, it will not be the way you want to see them. I talk from experience.

You want to capture them at the time that you are playing The Hygge Game, laughing and being intrigued about the answers your mum is giving you to the questions you are asking her.

So my gift to you now, today, is to repeat some of those questions that I asked my mum that Christmas and delighted in, with some of her answers. To repeat, this is one of the best hour and a half, possibly even two hours that I ever spent with my mum.

I learnt more about her in that special Hygge time with her than I probably ever learnt in the 47 years I knew her. It gives me goosebumps and tears at the same time while I write this.

So here goes - the first two questions are the questions I asked my dad a year and a half before he passed away and I got to make all his wishes come true over the rest of his life - more on that another time….

What would you like to do over the next year?

What would you like to have in your life over the next year?
What has been the best day of your life so far?
What is the nicest thing someone (in this room) has ever done for you?
Are you a side, stomach or back sleeper?
Can you think of a time when you were really in the right place at the right time?
Was there anything that you wanted as a child that you never got?
Describe yourself in 3 words.
Describe an opportunity that you turned down, but that you now wish you’d accepted.
What was your best holiday experience?
What is your fondest memory about your grandparents?
What is the best song ever written in your opinion? And is that your favourite song and if not, what is your favourite song?
Did you ever hide anything from your parents when you were a child?
What old classmate would you be happy to hear from out of the blue and have dinner with and why?
If you could invite 4 people for dinner, who would they be and why?
Who do you most admire in your family?
What is your favourite sound?
What is your favourite smell?
Who is the most interesting person you have ever met?
What is your favourite city in the world?
What do you look back at and think “I would do that 100 times over”?
Who was your first love?
What do you think the purpose of life is?
If you could have 1 million of anything except money, what would you choose and why?
What do you think is the most important school subject?
If you were a tree and could be planted anywhere, where would you choose and what type of tree and why?
Name something you look back at and think “I can’t believe I did that.”
Do you like it when friends drop by unexpectedly?
Where were you when you first heard about 9/11?
What book changed your life?
If you could change your age, would you choose to be younger, older, or stay the same?
What's your favourite way of wasting time?
Name a time when you felt really proud of yourself.
What one place should everyone visit before they die?
What makes you really happy?
If you could see into the future, how far ahead would you want to see?
What's the best party you have ever been to?
If you could choose to be a famous person for a day, who would it be and why?
What song would you say is the theme song for your generation?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
What is your favourite guilty pleasure?
If you could spend a whole day with any person, who would it be?
Name one thing that most people don’t know about you.
What would you like more of in your life?
What three things would you grab if your house was on fire?
If you could be reincarnated as any animal, what animal would you choose?
Not counting a house, car or holiday, what is the most expensive thing you have ever bought?
What does the world need more of?
If you could play the main character in any film, what film would it be?
In what ways do you make other people's lives better?
Which of your family members do you look like the most?
Describe a time when you helped a stranger?
Name something that one of the people sitting next to you is good at and then name something you are good at.
Do you want your organs to be donated when you pass away?
What quality do you appreciate most in a friend?
What is the most delicious meal you have ever eaten?
Complete the sentence: I have never in my life been so content as when…
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live and why?
If you had the whole world’s attention for 30 seconds, what would you say or do?
Have you ever won or been chosen for something despite thinking you had no chance?
What actor or actress would play you in the movie version of your life?
What do you think old people regret the most when they look back on their life?
What is the strangest thing you have ever eaten?
Describe the happiest moment or time of your life?
Who has been the biggest role model in your life?
Was there any period in your life that was difficult but that ultimately made you a stronger or better person?
What would you like to be able to experience for the first time again?
What teacher had the greatest impact on you and why?
What compliment have you received and never forgotten?
If there were suddenly 28 hours in a day, how would you spend the extra hours?
What was the best £100 you have ever spent?
Describe a time when you did something reckless and daring.
What can we learn from children?
Describe your happiest memory with one or more of your best friends.
If you were invisible, what is the first thing you would do?
Who is the most likable person you know?
If you had to choose a different first name, what would you go by?
Of all the famous people alive today, who do you think will still be discussed in 500 years time?
What is your earliest memory?
What is the most scenic landscape you’ve ever travelled through?
Is there enough fun and adventure in your life?
What was your favourite thing to do when you were 12?
What is your favourite TV show of all time?
Have you ever lied about your job to seem more interesting?
Describe a time when you felt really nervous.
Who has been the most interesting stranger on a plane and why?
Did you have a nickname growing up?
If you had to show a tourist one place where you live, where would you take them?
What word or phrase do you tend to overuse?
When was the last time you felt really proud of someone in your family?
Do you have any irrational phobias?
What was the last thing you lost or thought you lost?
What is the most meaningful gift you’ve ever received?
What smell reminds you the most of your childhood?
What has been the best decade of your life so far?
Have you ever won a contest or a competition?
What is your greatest wish for the upcoming year?
If you could give one piece of advice based on your experience from the past few years, what would it be?
If someone from the year 3000 could see how we live today, what do you think would surprise them the most?
If you could go back in time and meet your 8 year old self, what advice would you give yourself?
If you had a time machine, would you rather travel to the future or to the past?
If you could take a week-long holiday on your own anywhere in the world, what would you want to do and where would you be?
What is the best thing about getting old?
Have you ever fallen asleep during something important and if so what was it?
Are there any recurring themes in your dreams?
When was the last time you cried?
What is your favourite animal?
What is your favourite colour?
What is your favourite flower?
What would a perfect day look like for you?

So print this out if you need and keep it for a special time with the people that you love or ring someone up and ask them some of these questions.

These are special life affirming questions that are fun to ask and fascinating to hear the answer to. I can assure you that this will be time well spent.

Please give it a go and come back to me when you have tried it and let me know what the result has been.

Here is hoping that it will only be a positive result and you will learn a few things, if not connect more deeply with your loved ones.

Life truly is too short to not know the true essence of US and YOU.

Over to you readers.

Much love.

Lara x