How Social Media Has Made Me View Loss In A Different Way

Nov 2

When I asked my two best friends recently what they thought about death, they admitted that they were both scared if not terrified.

This year is the first time I have spent time thinking about death deeply. It has always been and felt like this faraway thing. Yes, I've lost people close to me before, but it never made me dive deep into what it all means. Perhaps I have been too afraid to in the past?

That all changed in 2021 when my mum got sick and passed away suddenly just two weeks after collapsing in the home she shared with my dad. It hit like a ton of bricks even though the relationship had been complicated. And then, a year later, my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, had a number of falls, and eventually passed away very recently at the end of June.

It was a gift to spend time with my Dad during the end of his journey. By the time my dad's time came, something unexpected happened - I was ready. But it wasn't just about being ready; I had this inner knowledge, feeling and knowing that his spirit was off to join our/his loved ones in some better place. That probably sounds pretty crazy?! But listen to this.

Five days before my dad left this world, something amazing happened. There I was, sitting next to him holding his hand, and all of a sudden, he points to something right in front of him.

Then he turns to me, this twinkle in his eye, and says he's just seen his best friend, Derek. And just like that it seemed like he had caught a glimpse of the other side. I wasn’t shocked.

And during his final moments, a surreal incident also unfolded. Just four minutes before my dad passed, the tablet I was using started buffering. It was like a signal from the universe - a nudge to focus on the present. Trusting my instincts, I tucked the tablet away in my bag. Could it have been his spirit gently reminding me to be there, fully present, as he embarked on his next journey?

Luckily for me, over the previous couple of years, I had found a spiritual side in me, which may or may not sound a bit woo, but trust me, my science-loving friends gave me some eyebrow raises. But bear with me.

If you have ever observed a body after someone's passed (like I have done now with both of my parents), it is like the person we know isn't there anymore, their essence, spirit or soul has gone. This fact got me researching and it turns out, there's a whole world out there with stories and theories that match up to this.

I had already stumbled upon a guy called Matt Fraser on Facebook. He's a famous psychic medium from the US, and watching him, I couldn't help but feel there's more to death and life-after-death.

So, I took a leap. I got two psychic readings and started following various people on Facebook and Instagram including the Seatbelt Psychic.

I embarked on daily enquiry and journalling with my angels and guides, thanks to the guidance of the author Gabriella Bernstein. And believe it or not, I even had communication with my grandmother through a psychic reading - she revealed to me that she helped me write my book, which now makes so much sense!

Here's the strange thing – I'm a science, neuroscience and research girl. And yet, I found solace in this spiritual journey. It's like knowing my dad's still hanging around, looking out for me – just in a different way.

I started asking for signs – little things, like playing a certain song on the radio. And guess what? Those songs played. Then there's parking – I asked for a spot every time I went to visit dad in hospital and I got one. And those green lights on the drive to London? They started showing up too. Coincidence? I don't think so.

And don't even get me started on the white feather that floated down while I was talking to my guides in the park. Or the woman at the pub who saw a robin and thought it was a sign from her mum. It's like these little moments of magic that just can't be explained. There are too many to mention. And there I was writing a book called The Mighty Book Of Motivation Magic before I had this spiritual belief!

In my quest for further knowledge I also learnt (sadly too late to help me) that there is death support available through a real-life wonder - a death doula.

These unsung heroes are like guides for the final journey, making sure it's as calm and comforting as possible. Think of them as those caring friends who hold your hand and listen when you need it most.

Just like birth doulas help with new beginnings, these incredible people lend a helping hand when it's time to say goodbye. From practical things like planning to being a warm presence, death doulas bring a mix of kindness and understanding. They're like guardian angels for both those leaving and their families, turning a tough time into a more peaceful one.

So, if you're curious to dive into this world, check out some Facebook groups like 'Proof Of Life After Death' or 'Near Death Experience.'

Give Matt Fraser, Thomas John a follow on Instagram and Hospice Nurse Penny on TikTok.

If you have lost somebody dear to you recently, I extend my warmest thoughts to you and big bear hug. The pain of loss can be overwhelming and can cast a shadow on even the brightest of days.

In these moments, it's important to remember that your feelings are valid, and it's okay to seek solace in whatever form it takes - be it cherished memories, the support of friends, or hiding under the duvet.

In your grief, I hope you find glimmers of the joy your loved one brought into your life. Know that you are not alone on this journey. There are other hearts standing with you, offering empathy, understanding, and a shared hope that time will gently mend the pain.

I personally have found the journey very tough and find myself in tears on a regular, if not daily basis and here we are 4 months in and it still hurts just as much.

I have recently joined a local “Bereavement Journey” group, which, has already two weeks in, been a godsend. Other women, though men are also invited, talking about loss, grief and what grieving means to them. I am learning so much about the process and journey we all go on when we lose somebody close to us and I am sure there will be another blog post at some stage when I understand it all the more.

There is one woman in my group who lost her dad 18 years ago and it is still just as raw. The opportunity to talk openly about how we all feel about our different situations whether they were sudden losses, or long drawn out ones, or losses of relationships, it doesn’t matter, each is just as relevant and important.

If my experiences have taught me anything, I've learned that even when we're really sad, we can find a way to feel better. Love doesn't stop, even when someone is no longer alive.

Remember - life has got so many more layers than we see at first glance. And….maybe, just maybe, there's a bit of magic and comfort in the unknown, rather than fear or dread.

If you do just one thing today, watch Alua Arthur's TED Talk on how thinking about death can make life better. You may or may not change your opinion about life and death

And finally, if you are hurting right now, please reach out and talk to somebody, a friend, a colleague, or family member or find a group in your area or community. I was so relieved to find a likeminded group to support me through these raw and difficult months. I would be very happy to talk to you also. xo

Reference and help: Cruse: https://www.cruse.org.uk/ / Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/ / Rehab4Addiction: https://www.rehab4addiction.co.uk / Marie Curie: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/help/support/bereaved-family-friends/dealing-grief/grieving-your-way / Bereavement Journey: https://www.thebereavementjourney.org/